Navigating Grief During the Holidays

Grief comes in all shapes and sizes from varied experiences, each equally important. No matter the distance from the loss–10 years, 10 weeks, or 10 days–holidays make grief more profound. While it’s tempting to ‘disappear’ and come back up for air in January, reality won’t allow that. So, the choice becomes learning how to ‘limp with style’ as my friend, Billy Sprague, once told me.

Holidays Are Hard for Me, Too

Growing up, Christmas was hard in our house because my parents lost their firstborn son on December 22, 1962. The deep well of grief flooded holidays for decades. This Christmas will be three years since we unexpectedly lost my dad. I still struggle and cry, and at times, I just want to disappear until January. I’ve learned a few tips as I strengthen my limp that I want to share with you. They won’t make the pain go away, but they may make things more manageable.

How To Manage Grief During the Holidays

1. Know your triggers. If a situation or person can be a trigger, set your boundaries in advance. Will you go? How long will you stay? It’s okay to skip certain traditions, too, if you feel it’s best.

2. Have a plan. How long will you be at an event? Have a code word or signal to a partner or friend that ‘it’s time to go.’

3. Remember self-care tools. Journal. Talk to someone. Build in time to recharge in between gatherings.

4. Anxiety management tools. What tools do you already have in your toolbox that you can sharpen for use now? Breathe. Create space (walking, alone time, reading, etc.) Meditate. Schedule a coffee with a friend. Self-care comes in here, too.

5. Create a picture collage of good memories.

6. Honor the legacy, memory, and your pain. When I lost my mom, I was fearful she would be forgotten, so I put together 4-5 pictures of her and each of my family members and gave them as gifts. It honored her that first year without her.

Don’t Do This Alone

Grief around the holidays is a heavy weight. It’s not meant to be carried alone. A counselor or life coach can be a tremendous support for you, and there are many listed on the Resources page of the GraceStory website and app. You don’t have to carry the weight alone, and it is okay to feel all the feelings. Making the load more manageable during an already stressful time is the key.

Remember This

Feel the emotions, yet don’t let yourself stay there. Your loved one would want you to engage and appreciate the time you have with others as much as possible. And who knows? You sharing your grief gives others permission to share theirs. They may just be looking for someone to go first.

For more on this, check out my video “The Elephant In The Room” on my YouTube channel at https://youtu.be/hD1nBCFjm7M